Opera aficionados are familiar with Richard Wagner (pronounced Riccard Voggner). The music is bombastic. The plots are drearily complex. Only the best of the best of the best trained vocalists dare even to try to sing the music, and only the top-tier opera lovers are able to stay awake much beyond the first 30 minutes of a four-hour production. So Siri’s announcement that the University of Missouri’s men’s basketball team had defeated Voggner by 40 points came as quite a shock.

It turned out that Siri spoke in error, as the Mizzou Tigers defeated the Wagner (pronounced Wagner as in “Wagner the Dog”) Seahawks, a liberal-arts college in Staten Island, New York.

“It’s Wagner, not Voggner,” I told SIRI.

“I’m not sure what you mean,” she said.

Congratulations to the Tigers for devouring the Seahawks, but Wagner and Wagner have nothing in common.

Sad.

But all is not lost, as making connections can be both productive and fun.

So imagine this plot for the grand opera of the 21st century entitled “The Wagner Incident.”

In Act One, Scene One, Tristan, a basketball star for the Bayreuth Bears and a huge fan of Wagner operas, connects with a short, beautiful woman named Isolde via Tinder. Using texts and Snapchat, they fall madly in love, and when Tristan discovers that Isolde attends Wagner University, they are convinced that they are meant for each other for all time.

“Shorty,” Tristan sings in hip-hop style, “I was focused on the prize, but your love hit me hard.”

“So come to Wagner,” Isolde purrs. “And I’ll always make you happy.”

In Scene Two, Tristan is standing by the Rhine River where a dwarf places a ring-shaped chunk of gold on his finger.

“Do not take off this ring until a bird tells you to take it off,” the dwarf tells him sternly. “For if you do, your biggest fear will come true.”

In Scene Three, Tristan, ringless and dressed as a monk, is on the Staten Island ferry with other monks, all of whom are on a pilgrimage to meet Siggi, the Seahawk, who has many magical powers. When Isolde spots Tristan, she shrieks with joy.

“But Shorty, how did you know it was me?” Tristan asks.

“You’re really tall, dude,” she sings. “So shut up and dance with me.”

“You’re my destiny,” he sings triumphantly, as the curtain falls.

In Scene One of Act Two, pilgrims throng into Wagner’s basketball palace in hopes of witnessing a great victory, aided by Siggi’s magic powers. But one of the basketball hoops is missing.

The singing of the national anthem is interrupted by Tristan, who flies into the palace aided by Siggi.

“Take off the ring,” Siggi tweets.

And as he does, the ring transforms into a multicolored basketball hoop through which Tristan executes a spectacular dunk.

The fans erupt with joy, especially Isolde, but in the middle of the celebration, a gunshot rings out. While the bullet misses both Tristan and the seahawk, the bird shrieks, and Tristan, losing his grip, crashes to the floor.

Everybody’s horrified except the shooter, who sings the very famous aria “I’ll Do Anything for You, King Donald; my love for you trumps all.”

Infuriated, the fans stomp the shooter to death, but in the confusion, Tristan’s medical needs aren’t met, despite Isolde’s cries for help. As the tumult threatens to engulf them, she and Siggi carry Tristan to a small, drab room.

In Scene Two, Isolde stands, sobbing, over Tristan’s lifeless body.

“I’m bad at love,” she sings, heart-broken.

“Just do one thing for me,” Tristan gasps.

—”But you can’t blame me for trying,” she continues plaintively.

“It’s getting hot in here,” he declaims, panting. “so take off all your clothes.”

She does, with slow seductiveness.

“Now put that body on mine,” he sings, his strength seemingly restored.

They move together, slowly at first, but gradually pick up speed, oblivious to the distant tumult.

Then, Siggi disappears in a cloud of feathers.

And as their passion climaxes, they both die, Tristan because of his wounds and Isolde due to a broken heart. As she takes her last breath, she sings:

“Baby, I’m sorry; I’m not sorry.”

And the curtain falls.