I have always been a supporter of gay marriage since first becoming aware of the concept in the early 1990s. It just “felt” right.

At that time, I regularly listened to Dr. James Dobson’s conservative Christian program “Focus on the Family,” and my belief in the rights of gays to marry strengthened.

The Bible condemns those living the “gay lifestyle,” Dr. Dobson and his guests intoned. All people who are gay can become heterosexual, they argued. “And don’t compare the experiences of gays with blacks,” they harumphed, “as the two experiences are totally different.”

Recently, Dr. Ben Carson supported these views by stating that “a lot of people who go into prison (are) straight — and when they come out, they’re gay.”

“Perfectly logical,” wrote Ben Shapiro in a March 11 column on Townhall.com entitled “Is Being Gay a Choice?” Homosexual behavior, like “all other non-reflexive behavior, is essentially a choice. … Thus, being black — a non-behavioral characteristic — is not like being gay or being straight, in the sense that one cannot choose not to be black, while one chooses one’s own sexual behavior.”

But Dr. Dobson and Mr. Shapiro don’t define what they mean by “gay lifestyle” and “homosexual behavior.” Might they be thinking about gay tendencies to like Broadway musicals and the ballet? Or their overrepresentation in the fashion industry? Or their sometimes distinctive visual and vocal quirks?

I doubt it, because these anti-gay marriage crusaders remain silent when their less politically correct colleagues trumpet their beliefs that homoSEX!!!uals (they always accent the “sex” part) want to rape young boys and engage in anonymous sex. While a small number of homosexuals do engage in these demeaning and destructive behaviors, the lesbians and gays I know are caring, hardworking people who either want to be or are in committed relationships.

The “prison-from-straight-to-gay pipeline” argument rattles me. For one thing, I have yet to see any independent studies buttressing Dr. Carson’s statement that people in prison are more likely to engage in the “gay lifestyle” once released. And most people agree that most sex between prisoners qualifies as rape, and rape cuts across all sexual proclivities. So instead of implying that rape is a unique component of being gay, perhaps anti-gay activists could work with those trying to address the prison rape epidemic.

I do, however, agree with those who argue that the African American and gay experiences with discrimination are different, but what does it mean to live the “black lifestyle” or engage in “black behavior?” Or, for that matter, since I’m totally blind, what does it mean to live the “blind lifestyle” or engage in “blind behavior?”

We all try to strike a balance between being unique and conforming to the “white hetero non-disabled standard,” especially those of us from underrepresented groups. Some African Americans straighten out their hair. Some work to modulate their voices to sound more “white.” A few jump from the “liberal plantation” to the “conservative plantation” where they bask in adulation while critiquing their fellow blacks’ “lifestyles” and “behaviors.”

I’m grateful to my mother, who insisted that I stop rocking, poking my eyes, and other “blindisms” so I would be more acceptable to people who are light dependent. Unlike many other totally blind people, however, I choose not to wear dark glasses because of the physical discomfort I feel while wearing them, even though my eyes look weird to many in the sighted community.

So, Dr. Dobson and Mr. Shapiro: are my hard-working, caring lesbian and gay acquaintances committed to monogamous relationships engaging in the “gay lifestyle” or in “homosexual behavior?” How do these behaviors differ from those heterosexuals who engage in anonymous sex or who rape children? And why shouldn’t gays and lesbians be allowed to marry, as marriage discourages the sexual practices that most of us understand to be harmful?