Like most of us, I was humbled when a parade of family members of those that Dylann Roof murdered during the massacre at Emanuel AME Church forgave him during Mr. Roof’s arraignment.

“You took something very precious from me, but I forgive you,” said Nadine Collier, in between sobs. “It hurts me. You hurt a lot of people, but may God forgive you.”

“If I had experienced something similar, I think I would have been too emotionally numb to even think about forgiving the murderer,” I thought. “And why is it that African American churchgoers seem to be better at forgiving than us white churchgoers?”

“Because,” I thought, “the average African American has experienced far more chances to understand the downside of not forgiving others and to practice the art of forgiveness. They have, on balance, larger forgiveness muscles than the average white person.”

Forgiveness takes courage. It takes grit. It takes perseverance, patience, and humility. And it requires empathy, the ability to intuit how those different from us experience similar situations.

As I was pondering the mystery of forgiveness, two news stories grabbed my attention. The first, written by Sean Illing and published last week in Salon, described how several leaders within the wealthy community of Rancho Santa Fe, California have stated that they should be exempt from restrictions being put in place due to severe drought conditions there. Brett Barbre was quoted as saying:

“I call it the war on suburbia. California used to be the land of opportunity and freedom. It’s slowly becoming the land of one group telling everyone else how they think everybody should live their lives.” He concluded: “They’ll have to pry it [his water hose] from my cold, dead hands.”

Perhaps, some empathy and perspective is in order?

The other story, written by Lydia Dishman for Fastcompany, reported that salary raises and promotional opportunities of especially women (but also men) supervised by women were at least somewhat lessened compared to those under the leadership of male bosses. More specifically:

* “Relative to men who switched from working for a female manager to a male manager, women who made such a switch were predicted to earn 1.4% less.

* “Low-performing women who experienced a switch from a male manager to a high-performing female manager had 30% lower salaries than low-performing men who experienced the same kind of switch.

* “Male employees reporting to female managers were predicted to earn approximately 5% less than male employees reporting to male managers.”

This is disturbing to us who believe that salting organizations with talented women will lead to more women being promoted. Perhaps, organizations are doing a poor job of connecting women to their culture. Perhaps, workplace cultures are subtly discouraging women from promoting female peers. But I can’t help wondering if the bitterness of women who have experienced the psychic scars of workplace discrimination are influencing the way they manage others, and that the only way for this phenomenon to be addressed is for women (and members of other minority groups) to begin building up their forgiveness muscles, while those in power take concrete action to reduce the discrimination being experienced.

As we prepare to celebrate Independence Day, we might remember that the best way to limit the size of government is to live together more peacefully, manage conflicts more soulfully, and to forgive each other more graciously, remembering that each of us is far from perfect. Perhaps, we could each start by reflecting on the meaning of that most famous hymn sung by President Obama during his eulogy of Emanuel AME Church’s pastor:

“Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now I’m found;
Was blind, but now I see.”

(Or, my preference for that last line):

“Was bound, but now I’m free.”

Let freedom ring!