In my memoir “Breaking Barriers: Working and Loving While Blind,” I described how, during the first several days at my first two jobs, I became tense and disconnected while sitting through programs designed to bond me first with a large federal government agency and later with a stodgy bank on Wall Street. During these “onboarding” programs, my fellow new hires and I completed a mind-numbing amount of paperwork and listened to endless presentations about the glories of the organizations from faceless bureaucrats who we never heard from again. In my next three jobs, I was spared from going through similar experiences … and I was much happier.

I hadn’t thought much about the connection between my first few days on the job and my level of happiness until reading an article on FastCompany.com entitled “How To Solve Onboarding’s Awkward Alienation Problem.” In the article, Drake Baer wrote about the tension between the new hire and the organization during the first few months. While employers want to absorb new hires into their organization as quickly as possible, new hires want their “feelings, values, perspectives, and the like (to be) aligned” with the work they do and where they do it.

Mr. Baer also wrote about research conducted at a large call center in India where one group went through the usual “here’s-why-you-should-love-us” routine where they received a fleece sweatshirt with the company logo printed on it. Members of the other group, however, were guided through a process to assist each member to focus on their strengths and uniqueness. Members also received fleece sweatshirts, but with their name printed on it instead of the company logo. After six months, “people who did the organization-focused onboarding process were about twice as likely to quit,” and customers were more satisfied with their interactions with the new hires who focused on their strengths.

But what really grabbed my attention was the connection made in the article between hiring and dating. In both, each of us is trying to figure out how our strengths and quirks connect with either another person or organization, and, as the article puts it, “when people can express themselves authentically, they’re more committed to the relationship” because the “other” is encouraging them “to bring out their best self.”

Taking this analogy a bit further, what did you do during the early dates with someone you successfully bonded with? Did the two of you:

A. Sit in a large, stuffy room to listen to a stranger explain the glorious history of the family you might join soon; or:

B. Spend time getting to know each other, perhaps with the assistance of a meal, music, and a bottle of wine?

And how might organizations better use the more successful dating approach to better connect new hires?

In my memoir, I describe how, during my first day of my first job without the “we’re-wonderful” sermons, my boss left me with a can-do spirit after engaging my guide dog, Nan, and me in a spirited conversation about the project I would be managing. I spent my first week of my next job on the road in Glendale, Arizona laying the groundwork for my future work there addressing teen pregnancy prevention. I began learning about the culture of my next organization with the assistance of my boss and another employee. These interactions conveyed confidence in my abilities and a far clearer sense of the cultures of each organization than listening to presentations from those faceless bureaucrats.

The research described in the FastCompany.com article reinforces my belief that listening to strangers extolling the virtues of an organization while trying to absorb mountains of information during the first day of the job is overwhelming, irritating, and creates cynicism down the line when behavior witnessed contradicts the “we’re-a-wonderful-place-to-work” rap. Perhaps, the time could be better spent assisting new hires to focus on their strengths, while allowing supervisors, colleagues, mentors, and HR staff to connect them with the culture and help them find the resources they need. Like dating, success is built on connections, not sermons.