Mudville, FL — Bill O’Rabbit of Vixen News reports that zoologists claim that two life forms, the Donaldissimus Trumpitus (trumpitus for short) and the Hillaryia Clintonista (better known as the hillaryia) might be merging to create a new life form, which they have tentatively named the Donaldary. Both creatures, through their shrill voices and aggressive actions, spread fear and loathing in their wakes, with spokescreatures predicting democracy’s demise, earthquakes, famine, wars, and the eventual end of the world if the other creature continues to gain power.
Howls of protest greeted this announcement.
“Fake news!” declared Cricket Coulter. “The Trumpitus decisively defeated that horrible hillaryia, and has spent the past several months undoing the damage that would have happened if she had taken charge.”
“Utter nonsense!” exclaimed Thom Treefrog. “The hillaryia is lying low, healing from the defeat she suffered when the trumpitus repeatedly banged her head against that glass ceiling.”
But nearly 100 days after the trumpitus took power, some of his actions have veered dangerously close to those of the Hillaryia. According to a media release prepared by the Donaldary Group (DOG), these include:
Instead of draining the swamp, the trumpitus has filled it with Goldman Sachs creatures — creatures that the hillaryia consorted with during the past several years.
The trumpitus broke his commitment to disengage from “stupid wars”, firing weapons at a foreign kingdom — a strategy that the hillaryia had recommended during their battle for control.
During the campaign, the trumpitus thundered about the unfairness of the Swamp Free Trade Agreement, how other swampdoms are ignoring the rules, and that the Swamp Defense Alliance was too costly to maintain. But recently, he has changed his mind, thus mirroring hillaryia’s positions.
And, most strangely, the trumpitus, during last year’s power struggle, had trumpeted his plans to lock up the hillaryia for crimes against the kingdom, but has yet to follow through.
Moreover, several years ago, the trumpitus attended a ceremony to bind the hillaryia offspring to another creature. A DOG spokeswoman pointed out that these binding ceremonies often encourage participants to engage in mating behaviors.
“This speculation is damaging to kingdom security,” chattered Sean Squirrel. “Besides, we disagree with hillaryia on so many issues: reforming swampcare, climate change, repealing unnecessary regulations, and appointing a new member to the Swamp Court.”
“But the trumpitus has offered to work with Hillaryians on reforming swampcare,” a zoologist shouted as Sean Squirrel bounded up a tree, dropping an acorn on the zoologist’s head.
“We have no evidence of the existence of the Donaldary,” acknowledged a DOG zoologist. “But the speed that the trumpitus is swerving toward the hillaryia is remarkable.
“And it’s also worth noting,” continued the zoologist, “that powerful creatures have a knack of coming together to defend their status against those with less power. The trumpitus learned this knack from his father. The hillaryia learned it from her husband.
“We’ll just have to wait and see,” the DOG spokesman concluded.
But Bernie Birdsquawk had a different take.
“The swamp is noisy, dark and deep!” Bernie thundered. “But I have promises to keep: to fully and completely drain the swamp of all of the evil corruption within. The trumpitus must be conquered, but first, the Donaldary cannot be allowed to be created. It must be utterly and totally destroyed!”
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