Mudville, FL — Vixen News reports that zoologists have claimed that they have discovered a new swamp-dwelling creature, which they have called the trumputin. A spokesperson describes this creature as a four-legged beast connected at the hip that lurches from place to place hurling curses and poisoned darts at its enemies.

“Everybody agrees on the existence of the trumpitus,” zoologist Karen Quicksand stated. “It’s classified as Donaldissimus Trumpitus, and it’s best known for building complex structures that destroy everything around them. It rules a powerful land from sea to shining sea.”

“And everybody agrees on the existence of the Vladimirium Putinum,” Ms. Quicksand continued. “More commonly known as the putinum, it has a long history of slashing and poisoning its enemies while sowing discord among wildlife around it. It rules a larger but less powerful kingdom.”

“But profound disagreement exists concerning whether these beasts mated to form the trumputin,” zoologist Barney Bog explained. “On one hand, the trumputin shares traits of both the trumpitus and the putinum. A love of power that comes from being feared. A knack for destroying everything around them. A lust for more and more power.”

“But Buddy Brackish is the only one who claims to have seen the trumputin in its habitat — before dying mysteriously,” Mr. Bog continued. “And the only image available is murky, provoking charges that the image is fake.”

This announcement provoked disbelieving snorts, fearful grunts, and joyous roars among members of the wildlife community.

“The trumputin doesn’t exist,” scoffed Devin Tadpole. “It’s just an excuse for scientists to run from their claims of global warming. Or climate change. Or whatever the PC term is for the phenomenon that doesn’t exist. We should continue to investigate how their treachery nearly cost the life of the noble trumpitus.”

“We’re not sure that the trumputin truly exists,” explained Rachel Mudpuddle, her voice quavering slightly. “But we need to investigate to determine its whereabouts, and to figure out what we can do to defend ourselves from this poisonous force.”

“Great news!” wrote columnist Pat Pawprint. “The trumputin may or may not exist, but we should do all we can to encourage it to flourish. It will knit together our two kingdoms, destroy the elites, and bring about world peace!”

Everyone interviewed for this story did agree on one thing.

All the world’s a swamp.