“Hi, this is Peter,” I announced after dialing into a business conference call at 9 AM on the day after Thanksgiving.

“I’m sorry,” said one of the participants with whom I had worked several years ago, “we were talking about the best part of the Thanksgiving feast.”

“That’s easy!” I proclaimed without thinking. “Turkey legs.”

“I’m not sure I agree,” said the other woman with an unfamiliar voice.

“Oh no, they’re definitely the best,” I said, and launched into a joyful peal about the pleasures of eating turkey legs by hand, tearing off pieces with my teeth with grease dripping from my face onto my shirt.

“Reminds me of those medieval knights who tore turkeys apart with their hands,” the person with the unfamiliar voice said, not quite knowing whether to laugh or flee.

“Perhaps not quite that dramatic,” I said a bit more slowly, conscious of nervous laughter from the other participants. “But there’s something wonderful about engaging in violence in a safe place. After all, I spend much of my time encouraging people to become more civilized: questioning their beliefs and engaging in difficult conversations with those who disagree with them, and it’s sometimes liberating to act like a macho caveman.”

“Well,” said the person with the unfamiliar voice, catching her breath from laughing. “I’m not sure I’ll ever think about eating turkey in quite the same way.”

During the balance of the call, we negotiated how we would work together while discussing the challenges of advocating in a culture that rewards the “I’m awesome, you suck” rhetorical style. I talked about how our elephant — feelings and intuitions — can control us if we don’t use our thoughts and behaviors to ride it more effectively.

“I think my elephant got the best of me at the beginning of this call,” I said in a voice of amused embarrassment.

Fortunately, the other participants laughed, and the call ended successfully.

As my guide dog and I walked briskly into a crisp autumn breeze, I thought about how lucky I was that my off-the-cuff Ode to Turkey Legs hadn’t turned off that person with the unfamiliar voice.

Yet we do need to revel in uncivilized stuff in order to thrive in civil communities. Brisk walks. Roughhousing. Bar-hopping. Dancing. Sports. Daredevil activities. Roller coasters. Pounding drums with or without sticks. Violent video games and movies. Ecstatic spiritual experiences. Head-banging music. Steamy sex…

And ripping apart turkey drumsticks with our teeth.

Here’s to controlled savagery.

And thriving!